WHY BEING IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE MAKES FOR SOME SHITTY WRITING

 

By Smita Rewari

When I look back on the limited collection of my writing attempts, I can’t help but notice that some of my best work was from when I was fifteen. I wondered about this fact at first and then realized that it made sense. Fifteen years old me reveled in angst, euphoria, ecstasy and sublime imaginative curiosity the majority of my existence at that time. No wonder there was so much feeling spewing forth from that pen! Fast forward to my life as a busy, sleep deprived mother of two kids under the age of four and the cycle of my daily feelings tends to go something like this: joyous>frustrated>upset>exhaustion>joyous…and so on and so forth; definitely nothing that easily spawns creative intensity.
I have started to research ways to get those creative juices flowing as well as creating time to write, for someone in my particular predicament, and have found some things that seem to work:  

1. Pick a fight with your spouse: Who needs a stable, even-keeled blah blah blah boring relationship when you can have fireworks, drama, violent emotion, heck it can even get crazy enough that soon you are having a psychosomatic reaction to all the overwhelming emotion and some fairly grizzly GI issues in response. All of this insanity is sure to fuel some feverish expression in the form of an essay on the absolute atrocity that is marriage.

2. Relinquish all control of your kids’ daily routines: Fuck that carefully crafted schedule organized down to the hour and sprinkled with asterisks to cover every possible “just in case” situation. Let’s just play it by ear. The Older one doesn’t want to take a nap. Ok. Let’s just not…and see what happens. They refuse to eat after 10 minutes of you trying.OK. LET IT GO. I promise you that by the end of that day, when your older one is running in circles half naked until she runs straight into a wall and the younger one is sitting in the middle of the living room dry heaving because she just ingested her 2nd piece of sidewalk chalk, then my friend and only then, the angst you feel will be very real.

3. Let your husband do the groceries AND plan the meals: Who needs organic shmorganic, right!? The kids don’t care either way, heck your partner has griped enough already about how much it costs the way you shop at the grocery store… so there you have it. Soon your kids will identify fruit as “grapessince that is the only fruit Papa ever eats and veggies would be the tomato in the cheese pizza they would feed on throughout the week. This would allow you the appropriate amounts of time in the day that are needed to funnel your creative spirit into the written word.

4. Show your child’s teacher that you are an underachiever: Buy the birthday cupcakes even though it was “recommended” they be homemade. Don’t shop off the list during teacher appreciation week…just send a toddler hand-scribbled “Thank you” card. Really, why not? Never ever send another birthday RSVP again. Show up if you feel like it…and forget the present. When your child stops being invited to most birthdays and you are no longer recruited to help with “mommy events” at school and your family is generally “outcasted” from the system, that, my friend, is when you will have carved out a nice little niche of time to get serious about writing that book.  

5. Last but definitely not least, Drink that 3rd glass of wine: It will be Okay. HEAVY DRINKING IS SERIOUSLY UNDERRATED AS A TOOL IN YOUR CREATIVE ARSENAL. When you are adequately inebriated, you will stop caring about almost everyone except yourself. This is the place you need to be to truly create your masterpiece.                                                                            

Wait…What? The baby pooped and… NO! NO! NO! STOP CARING NOW AND JUST FUCKING WRITE!!!!

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